Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
