I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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