I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize