Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize