The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
