I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
