We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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