my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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