Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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