i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
