any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
