WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
