I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
