I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
