Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize