You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
