You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
