im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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