oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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