I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
