I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
