he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize