So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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