Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
