I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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