it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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