good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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