I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
