Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize