My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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