Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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