I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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