I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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