I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
