Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
love makes seman taste better
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
