problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
