Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
