In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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