i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
