Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
