a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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