EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
