I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
