i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
