I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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