she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
