never play flip cup with pint glasses
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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