does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I came so hard my ears popped.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
