I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
