I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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