you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
