I'm lost and stupid without you.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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