Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
