i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
