so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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