So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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