You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dick very happy bro
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