I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
