yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just high enough for therapy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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