Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
