The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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