3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
