hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
