apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
