Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
