just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
