The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize