I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
