I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
