I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
