dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
