so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
