you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
mondays should just be called national damage control day
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
