didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
