It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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