I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
